Rebirth (20th Anniversary Release)

by Leslie Hudson

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1.
Lifetimes 03:18
And I know that inside you you can hear my voice And I know that inside you you hear me And I know that inside you you can hear my voice And I know that inside you you hear One lifetime I woke and I found I was tin So easily swayed I buckled in the wind And this is the way that I lived my life I gave to the wind and it broke me And my eyes have been blinded, my uniform’s thin And my hair has been dyed neutral grey And I’m marching in single file, silent and grim And the nightingale flies on her way One lifetime I woke and I found I was blood I felt every touch, I could be passionate And this is the way that I lived my life I turned to the wind and it fed me And my blood has been dripping since I said I’d stay And I’m slashing my wrists on my knees And I lift up my head, screaming, Take me away! To the nightingale sailing her breeze And I know that inside you you can hear my voice And I know that inside you you hear me And I know that inside you you can hear my voice And I know that inside you you hear One lifetime I woke and I found I was stone I stuck to my guns, the earth was my throne And this is the way that I lived my life I threw out the wind and it healed me And my eyes have been opened, the paint is all dry And my chains will melt off if I run And I finally see that I know how to fly And the nightingale shows me the sun And I know that inside you you can hear my voice And I know that inside you you hear me And I know that inside you you can hear my voice And I know that inside you you hear
2.
Free 03:14
The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control And it’s all because of me What a wonderful night to be free Going on a picnic, not a cloud in the sky Running through the green grass, splashing Where did that puddle come from? Where did the sun go? Where did the sun go? Must have been that spider that I killed before we came When did I get to be powerful? The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control And it’s all because of me What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What kind of power lets a man damn another with his tongue? The painted lady, singing Where did my husband go to? Where did the sun go? Where did the sun go? I wonder why his laughter is still ringing in my ears When did I get to be powerful? The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control And it’s all because of me When did I get to be powerful? The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control The world is spinning out of control And it’s all because of me I lead a good life and I pray for my brother’s health now What if I slip down? Will you rape that girl just to punish me? I’d rather live in the darkness If I have to pay for the light With my own blood as the sacrifice What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be free What a wonderful night to be me
3.
There is something you lost Though I can’t see the meaning There was someone you trusted And someone betrayed you There was someone you talked to in the dark In your corner Through the window you let yourself fly And you flew, you flew, you flew away And you flew, you flew, you flew away And you flew, you flew, you flew away And you flew, you flew, you flew away There was distance between us And I thought I could help you But my questions just seemed To drive you away And you found a new home there in the dark Where you whisper Like a child beaten down by her god So you flew, you flew, you flew away So you flew, you flew, you flew away So you flew, you flew, you flew away So you flew, you flew, you flew away And how do I get your soul back? Back from the place where you’ve gone And how do I get your soul back? Back from the place where you’ve gone Is it my fault that you are this way? Is it my fault that you ran away? Is it my fault that you learned to hate? Yes, it’s my fault that you’ll never stay I could be there to talk to in the dark In your secrets I could win your heart back if you try But you flew, you flew, you flew away But you flew, you flew, you flew away But you flew, you flew, you flew away But you flew, you flew, you flew away And I’ll never get your soul back Back from the place where you’ve gone And I’ll never get your soul back Back from the place where you’ve gone ‘Cause your soul, it flew, it flew away ‘Cause your soul, it flew, it flew away ‘Cause your soul, it flew, it flew away ‘Cause your soul, it flew, it flew away And all I have left here is a grave
4.
Anonymous 02:42
Under your thumb we sit here Silently and patiently and humble sitting still Deaf, mute and dumb we squirm here Patience child, you know I’ve got so many mouths to feed Patience child, you know I’ve got to let somebody bleed Patience child, you know I’ve got so many men to drown Patience child, you know I’ve got to burn this city down Ooo omnipotent power-trip Ooo women and children first Ooo who needs the devil anyway? Ooo he’s quenching his hollow thirst All in a line we stand here We can suck the marrow from the bones that you discard Toss us a bone we beg here Sorry child, I’ve checked my book and you’re not on the list Sorry child, you’re Jewish and your fathers got me pissed Sorry child, but listen, I don’t wanna have to shout Sorry child, my arbitrary will has left you out Ooo omnipotent power-trip Ooo women and children first Ooo who needs the devil anyway? Ooo he’s quenching his hollow thirst Please don’t waste my precious time Please don’t waste your precious time Please don’t waste my precious time Please don’t waste your precious time
5.
Blame 04:07
What does it mean to be beautiful? What does it mean when you tell me I’m beautiful? Don’t take this straight-jacket off of me I’m wearing it now to protect you from me ‘Cause maybe if I’m in this padded room I won’t cause you pain And maybe if I stay inside this room I won’t be to blame Don’t try to hold or console me Don’t try to build yourself up as my hero Showing me his faults won’t make me see your shine What do you mean that the shine is all mine? Though maybe if I’m on this pedestal I won’t see your pain Oh and maybe if I can forget it all I won’t be to blame But how do I forget your face every morning? And how do I forget the way that you loved me? Ripples and waves lap my feet And I’m flying away To a place that is cold Maybe the numbness Will seep through my body And if I close my eyes I’ll be old I would like to fly away I would like to fly That’s what you get for your honesty That’s what you get when you show them your honesty Too many tears have been shed tonight Break free from the guilt and step into the light What good can I do in my padded room? Time to feel the pain And closing my eyes in my padded room I’m the one to blame ‘Cause I can never forget your face while I’m living And I can never forget your love while I’m living Turning to face all the tears I’ve been running away I’ve been flying away Maybe the heartache will seep from my body And if I close my eyes I’ll be yours I would like to fly with you I would like to fly I would like to fly with you I would like to fly
6.
I am sitting in the backseat of my car I know the chauffeur’s name but I can’t see the car’s direction Hey mister, give me the wheel “Hush darlin’, don’t cry” He said, “Hush darlin’, don’t cry” Somehow I’m trapped in my own car Can’t see the chauffeur’s face, he won’t let me sit beside him But mister, this is my car “Hush darlin’, don’t cry” He just said, “Hush little darlin’, don’t cry” I just want to be the driver I don’t want to follow your lead I don’t want your constant guidance Hey, I don’t want your world I said hey, I can’t be your girl We switch places and I’m at the wheel I know this chauffeur well, he is one bad backseat driver Hey mister, I’m going insane “Hush darlin’, don’t cry” He just said, “Hush darlin’, don’t cry” I just want to be the driver I don’t want to follow your lead I don’t want your constant guidance Hey, I don’t want your world I said hey, I can’t be your girl ‘Cause I just want to sit in silence I don’t want you in my backseat I am dropping you off on the corner Hey, have fun in your world I said hey, I am my own girl Hey mister, how does it feel? Hush darlin’, don’t cry I said, Hush darlin’, don’t cry
7.
The Ghost 03:32
The rolling of the sea will be forever haunting me Covered with the moon I went walking along the shore The sand beneath my feet My ragged dress is torn I could have sworn That it was new this morning Or was it last week? Where’s the time gone? The rolling of the sea will be forever haunting me Turning from the moon I wandered into the waves And as I touched eternity The ocean bled my name And I could blame it For reminding me That I am too weak Where’s the time gone? The rolling of the sea will be forever haunting me Floating with the sea I went drifting far from shore The salt was in my eyes I went out with the tide I couldn’t hide That I was dying The sand had run through And there’s the time gone The rolling of the sea will be forever haunting me The rolling of the sea will be forever haunting me
8.
Stone Ears 04:20
Shadows hide you bleeding silent Weighed down love drowned raging empty My tears stone ears Your fears Hands tied who cried? Sundown night falls blackness thunder Waves crash wind roars heart pounds sinking My tears stone ears Your fears Hands tied who cried? Dreaming reaching someone smiling Blind eyes open kind words spoken Come home I’m here no more searching Safely guarded love me set free My tears fog clears Your fears Hearts tied eyes dried
9.
I Am 04:10
Caught in a hole And there’s no way out No windows And I reach for the staircase Two at a time Running blind into walls My vision Is clouded by my mask And I ask Is this future before me mine? All I can see is my past Running over me Help me to break from its Grasping at straws Empty hands reaching out For my throat Choking smoke lifting me From my body I am Lost on a pier Let the waves crash on I’m drowning As red lights turn to slumber Why am I here? Will the elements Come with me? When water turns to stone And the wind burns the Future before me Is all I can see just my past Running over me? Help me to break from its Grasping at straws Empty hands reaching out For my throat Choking smoke lifting me From my body I am I am I am Who was I supposed to be? Who will I become? Who am I now? Who am I now? I am
10.
(instrumental)

about

Only 65 physical copies of Rebirth went out into the world and they were distributed long, long ago in the late 90s, lost to the mists of time most likely. So I present for the first time in digital form my very first album in its entirety.

I offer this to share with you where I began as a performer, as the songwriter who stepped away from Christianity, from writing and performing Christian music, to figure out who she was on the outside of the fold and what it meant to be free of a lifetime of constraints.

I've slightly EQ'd these tracks and gently rounded the edges, but otherwise barely touched them. They are who I was at 20. And although for these past 20 years I've hidden that confused and angry young woman away with her songs in the dark, her 40-year-old older sister thinks it's time to let them out.

There's passion and longing in the mess of keys and tangled loss that is Rebirth. The tower fell, the veil was lifted, and the bridges burned...so the songwriter sang. Be gentle with her. She was rebuilding her life.

credits

released September 15, 2018

All songs written & performed by Leslie Hudson
Recorded at HSC Project Studio, Hamilton ON by Simon Lebrun

Cover photo by Leslie Hudson
Cover design by Karl Stahl

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Leslie Hudson Stratford, Ontario

Leslie Hudson is a Canadian singer songwriter and pianist. Her albums range from storytelling styles to bluesy bar rock to dialed-up, full-band homages to pop culture. With lyrical piano skills and a voice that cuts through the crowd, her songs dive deep into archetype and folklore, modernizing ancient voices as she shines a spotlight on the shadowy paths we walk through life, myth and media. ... more

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